The dark side inside of me needs to be burried

2. prosince 2015 v 14:58 | Darkness ღ |  My Diary
Hey guys!
How's it going? I would like to say, that I'm fine, but it wouldn't be true. Yeah, I'm studing what I want and I've got awesome boyfriend and new great friend. But my past is chasing me. It seems impossible to run away. I just can't stop thinking about it. I wanna hurt myself over and over again.. and maybe die. I'm crying everyday now... and they noticed. They wanna talk with me about that.. they wanna know, what's going on with me. I don't wanna tell them. It's my secret. I don't want to hurt them. I think, that would be worse if they knew the true. So now I'm really afraind that I could loose them... loose him. I love him more than everything. I can't imagine my life without him. It would be horrible nightmare. He's perfect. But.. what should I do? Pretend that I had a moment, but I'm alright now..? I don't know. But it's probably only way how to solve this problem. My problem.
Sometimes I think about old times. I used to write down every my though and every feeling. I wrote long article about my condition and I might felt a little bit better. Maybe that's why I'm back. Maybe I just wanna share my pain with others and my wounds will heal by the time. I just need support.
Maybe you ask, why I don't tell them true. They're my closest and I cover it before them. The answer is simple.. I don't want them to see me in this light. They would see my dark side and I'm afraid what would they think about me. What's more.. they are two on me and I'm alone. Yeah, they're not my enemies, but they wouldn't understand. I just have to move on and make him happy. That's all that matters.
Your sad Darkness ღ
 

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Komentáře

1 Kix*♥ Kix*♥ | Web | 3. prosince 2015 v 6:06 | Reagovat

Myslela jsem si, že to pro mě bude oříšek, už jsem dlouho neslyšela/neviděla/nečetla angličtinu, když jsem teď bez školy, ale musím se pochválit, zdá se, že tomu rozumím. Nejsem na tom tak hrozně (juchů!).
A vlastně rozumím i tobě, proč nechceš svým přátelům a klukovi svěřit svoji "temnotu," a raději si to necháváš pro sebe... možná je blog to pravé... vypsat se, cítit podporu, i když jen přes net.
Já své pocity taky moc nesděluju... nechci určité lidi ztrati a bojím se, že by to ani nepochopili...
Jsem ráda, že sis našla nového fajn kluka, přátele a tak... jen mě mrzí, že nejsi tak úplně "all right," jak se může zdát a že se ti připomíná minulost...
Doufám, že ti my tady na blogu podáme podporu a že ti blog pomůže trochu se z toho "dostat." Chce to prostě mnoho času, protože člověk nezapomíná a nejhorší je na tom, že člověka skoro vždycky minulost dostihne... ať chce, nebo nechce.
Drž se ♥

2 Kika Kika | Web | 4. prosince 2015 v 19:52 | Reagovat

tak toto mi musíš ospravedlnit ale angličtina nie je moja silná stránka a asi sa ani nepustím do čítania :-D ale určite by to bol skvelý článok :-) :-D

3 M M | Web | 9. prosince 2015 v 14:04 | Reagovat

Hi dear,
I think I can understand you, especially with this thing. I had been doing it for a long time. Now, almost 4 years I'm "clean". I study on college, I have great boyfriend, I live with him, I have a few nice friends but still I'm not happy inside. But you need to know that selfharming is not good choice in this moment. I rather go to pub, drink to get drunk. Or I just get stoned, weed is good for chanching the poitless moments. But I'm not here to tell you what to do. And of course, I'm not here to force you to do drugs. I truly understand you write this just because you want to share you thoughts but you don't want to hear things like "Selfharming is too bad, you can't do this, you can die, please, don't do this, blah blah,...". It's annoying. You know what I mean.

I have this needs too. Writing always helped me. But my boyfriend know my blog, so I started a new webside (viz. WEB). You can remember me from non-exception.blog.cz. So now I can let my feelings go without any inhibition.

Wish you a good choice.
Sorry for my eng. :)

4 S-hejvi S-hejvi | Web | 11. prosince 2015 v 9:49 | Reagovat

Netrap se! Zase přijde lepší období, jen tomu chce trochu věřit :))

5 Smilee Smilee | Web | 20. prosince 2015 v 21:55 | Reagovat

I'm so sorry to hear about what's happening with you I guess you're tired of people saying that it'll be fine. But I'll tell you anyway. You have friends, family, boyfriend and you all love them. And I guess that if you don't want to hurt them or maybe even hurt you, you should tell them how you feel. They can help. But on the other side, I understand how you are feeling. I don't like to talk about my feelings too.
But please don't do anything that hurts you. Self harming is not a good thing. I know it can help, that it seems like the only option, but it's not.
Huh, I'm not that kind of person to tell you what to do. I just hate to see people being sad. And I want to help. Just talk to someone? I hope you'll be okay. :)
(Fakt jsem dobu přemýšlela jakým jazykem okomentovat. No, když už tolik zbožňuju tu angličtinu...)

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